Toilet Paper History: An Overly-Analytical Review
HAVE EMPTY TOILET PAPER SHELVES GOT YOU DOWN? A LITTLE HISTORY CAN HELP.
Warning: This post is mostly just for fun, though it does have real history in it! That being said, if you couldn’t tell by the title, we’ll be talking about toilet paper and all that comes with it. Consider yourself warned and retreat or move ahead accordingly.
Last night I had a dream about toilet paper.
Seriously.
COVID-19 has come with a lot of firsts, but this one was not expected.
In my dream, I went to the bathroom and used handfuls upon handfuls of TP - so much that it couldn’t fit into the porcelain bowl and instead flowed out the sides in big white waves. I tried to push it down in, to forced the toilet to flush, and it wasn’t until I began to make headway that I panicked. “Wait! Oh sh**!,” I thought. “I’m not supposed to be using this much toilet paper. Oh my God! What a waste! What will I do!?”
I began fishing the paper out of the bowl as quickly as I had thrown it in, trying to keep just the dry parts but inevitably watching the water soak along the white strands.
Sure - it’s super absorbent now.
And then the dream moved on. A car. A vacation. People. I couldn’t really tell you much about the rest.
This is my life right now - toilet paper nightmares. I’m down to a precious few rolls in my household of two and I’ve been judiciously counting squares every time I need some. I have ulcerative colitis too, so I’m just praying that I don’t go into some sort of flare until I get a re-supply.
I’m not really one to worry, or to go down without a creative fight. So, I’ve decided to take to the internet and use my model at Was Is Could Be to stage a solution. Today on the blog I’m asking, what did they used to do before toilet paper? And how can I use that info today?
Things are about to get a little weird.
Reading the history of toilet paper reminded me a lot of reading about the history of the telephone or the history of the lightbulb or even the history of breakfast cereal - think multiple sets of men trying to solve a problem with different but similar ideas.
The Chinese are widely considered the first to use paper as a means to clean oneself post-toilet back in the 9th century, though the invention of tissue-like paper for writing purposes dates back much further.
A more modern equivalent to toilet paper was made commercially available in the U.S. in 1857, when New York-based inventor John Gayetty created sheets of what he called “medicated paper” - infused with aloe and intended to help with hemorrhoids. The paper was eventually marketed as the “greatest necessity of the age!” - which leads me to a lot of questions about how common hemorrhoids were in the 1800s. But that’s a question for another day.
“BY 1930, NORTHERN TISSUE COMPANY WAS DECLARING THEIR TOILET PAPER ‘SPLINTER FREE’.”
In 1870s, perforations were added. In 1890, a decade or two later, the Scott brothers invented the toilet paper roll, much like we see it today. By 1930s, Northern Tissue Company was declaring their toilet paper “splinter free”. And from there: multi-ply, softer options, mega rolls… pretty much every variation you can think of. The world manufactures about 84 MILLION rolls of TP a day - worth approximately $2.14 billion (U.S.) per Statistica.
But none of this is particularly helpful right now. The question really is: what did these inventions replace? What could I go back to if I really, really, REALLY need to?
The Worst of the Worst
The answers were… interesting. Let’s take a look at the worst of the ideas I found:
Corncobs: Per the Farmer’s Almanac, pioneers used to use these regularly and they could be found hanging on a string in some outhouses. They were in abundance on farms and - we should give credit where credit is due - were quite economical in that sense. But I’m going to give this one a hard pass.
The Sears Roebuck Catalog: I can not tell you how many times I read this on the internet - that Sears Roebuck Catalogs were a regular in outhouses during the 1800s. That is - until it got glossy and coated in the 1930s, according to Steve Silverman in his book Linbergh’s Artificial Heart. And that remains one of the big problems here. Magazines in any form are now coated with all sorts of stuff that completely destroys its usefulness in many ways - composting, using as scrap paper, and now - TP. So, I’m skipping this one in full.
An Old Rope Dangling in Seawater: I’m all for using what you’ve got and sailors in the 1800s did just that with this one. According to the book Bum Fodder: An Absorbing History of Toilet Paper by Richard Smyth, sailors would use ends of the ropes used on ships to well… you know. And then they would store those ropes in a bucket of sea water, to kill the germs and such. Huge points for creativity and environmentalism; no probs on the dignity side of things.
Pessoi - A.K.A. small pieces of pottery: According to an article in a British Medical Journal, hilariously referenced in this Scientific American piece, the ancient Greeks and Romans would use shards of pottery to take care of their business. Although I can appreciate some of the exfoliating effects this may have had, I think we can all agree that this seems………… you know what? Let’s just move on…
Works in Progress
If all of what I’ve said so far concerns you, let me assure you, I found some other historic options. Let’s take a look at the one’s that are less bad - we’ll say “works in progress”:
Your hand: This is still done by some today, and was used for centuries, the Farmer’s Almanac has confirmed (as did a friend of mine who spent much of our college years living in Nepal). Our hands are amazing tools and they can be washed and sanitized regularly. I don’t think they’re that absorbent per se, but they could work… I just really, really don’t want to get to this point if we can help it at all.
Wool: In his book A Million Years in a Day, Greg Jenner notes that Vikings and other northern peoples had access to a lot of wool and used discarded pieces to wipe themselves. Two major thoughts here: 1) props for using the unusable wool - I like the environmental bend. 2) I can totally see where this one could work out reasonably well. My concerns with this are a few fold: Discarded wool is pretty dirty, so it would have to be washed first. Once used, I don’t think you could wash it to use it again, so you would need a lot of wool to get you through this little pandemic we’re having. And that’s another thing - there are some people with a lot of access to wool, and some people who have never seen a sheep in their life. Finally, I have some concerns about the logistics of using wool in this manner. It seems like it could be difficult to handle easily. Maybe you felt it together first?
Snow: It’s my understanding that indigenous peoples of the Arctic used this method for centuries and it makes total sense, but I couldn’t verify it much beyond this article, which isn’t exactly scientific (sorry to this hardworking webpage owner). It’s like wiping up with water, which I can totally get on board with. But without another vehicle, I’m not totally sure how you handle this without just using your hands. Which you could do… The main problem with this one though… its pretty weather dependent. Even here in Upstate NY we are snowless right now. So I’ll keep this in mind if I’m still dreaming about toilet paper shortages in mid-December.
Some Things We Can Work With
If so far, I’m only make you worry more about having no toilet paper, rest assured, I found some things we can work with:
A Sponge on a Stick: Yup - you read that right: a sponge on a stick. Also called a “tersorium,” the Greeks and Romans were responsible for this one too - and is mentioned in the same Scientific American piece as that ceramic bit I told you about earlier. A bit ironic (I mean… which would you choose, really…). These tools were quite literally a sponge affixed to the end of a stick, which would be stored in salt water or vinegar between uses. It appears that these were communal. Now you may be thinking - why in gods name is this in the real winners category? Well if we get a little creative, lose the stick and drop the communal part, we have a reasonably good cleaning tool that holds water pretty well, absorbs properly, and can be cleaned with boiling water or other disinfectants. And it really reduces the need for using your hand a lot. Am I recommending we go this route? Not until we’re literally desperate. And even then: good God, please label your sponge.
Cloth: Baby wipes weren’t really invented until the 1950s, and even then, when they were invented by American inventor Arthur Julius in 1958 they were used as to wipe messy hands after eating. Their use as baby-butt specific wipes grew from there. Prior to this and all the way back into the 1800s, moms everywhere were using cloth to both diaper and wipe a baby. Before that - it was your typical weeds and furs type thing. It’s not a part of toilet paper history per se, but let’s take any good ideas that we can at this point. Cloth, like sponges, can be cleaned and disinfected. And it’s pretty readily available. That ugly Christmas sweater you wear only once a year? That bag of thrift store items you didn’t get to donate yet? These, my friend, have another chance to shine for you right now. Though I am going to suggest that you start with some of the most worn out t-shirts first.
And there we have it - two options to work with should we continue to see empty toilet paper shelves in our grocery stores. See - history always has a little something for us!
Epilogue
“LET’S COUNT OUR BLESSING AND CHOOSE THE HILLS WE DIE ON VERY, VERY WISELY RIGHT NOW.”
Ok, so I’m being a bit flippant in my writing. It’s how I know how to cope. In all seriousness - toilet paper shortages make us feel really anxious because we’ve just never had to go here before. But just know - this will not kill you. And having to regress a little to a pre-toilet paper life won’t either. It could be worse - back in King Louis XIV of France’s time, an extra room for a toilet was considered a waste. He frequently met with people while using a movable toilet, and members of his court were frequently caught going to the bathroom in any number of places. Let’s count the blessings we do have and choose which hills to die on very, very wisely right now.
For more unique history and my own foolishness check out…
Love? From? - My own love letters in review. This is pretty embarrassing.
Are Love Letters Dead? - Was Is Could Be, Season 1, Episode 1 - A look at Beethoven’s mysterious love letters, the purpose of letter writing, and why we should bring it back.
What I’ve Learned About Love Letters - A few months of research will do something to you. Here’s my main takeaways from a summer of reading other people’s love letters.